By Bret Harte
A primary relations of Tasajara
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Additional info for A First Family of Tasajara
When girls know what to expect from their world, when their parents create an environment that is predictable and consistent, they are best able to regulate themselves, anticipate the consequences of their decisions, and behave appropriately. In contrast, when mothers flip-flop from one position or parenting style or state of mind to another, girls are understandably adrift. Especially during adolescence, when girls’ bodies, friendships, and emotions are in almost constant flux, they need mothers to be their predictable ballast.
Expect—and Model—Accountability Instead of your daughter denying problems, blaming others, or covering up, you want her to take responsibility for her actions and learn from her mistakes. This means you have to take an honest look at what your teenager is doing. Recently a mother brought her eighth-grader in to see me for a consultation. She said her daughter was being picked on by teachers at her middle school. Belinda was alienating her teachers by getting out of her seat, talking loudly, not doing her work, asking to be excused, and laughing disruptively.
As we saw in the last chapter, the ability to be flexible, to make adjustments in your thinking and parenting responses, is one of the main ingredients for developing a workable partnership with your teenager. The structure you set in place for your daughter needs to be revised as she matures, her needs evolve, or her circumstances change What Methods Do I Use to Influence My Daughter? At the extreme, parents are so determined to have their way that they are willing to maneuver daughters any way they must.